It's 12:15 in the morning and I should be sleeping. I'm tired, indeed. But, it's storming outside, and in light of the recent tornadoes in the southern plains, I'm having a hard time sleeping. Or rather, I'm choosing to stay up a little bit later. We're under a tornado watch until 3 am, but I don't think I'll stay up that late; probably just until the severe thunderstorm warning expires in about half an hour or so. We don't have a basement, and let's just say that last spring (which was our first spring back in the Midwest sans a basement) I was pretty freaked out every time it even hinted of a storm. But thanks to the faith of my dear husband, he has helped me learn to trust our heavenly Father a little bit more and a little bit better. It helps, too, that we live in the age of radar maps and that my grandma and parents both live less than a minute away (driving time) and both have basements. So, I'm learning that with a little bit of common sense and a whole lot of trust in God, I don't need to worry. Clearly, I haven't learned this lesson completely or I probably wouldn't still be awake. (Can I just chalk this up to the common sense part???)
It's been kind of a rough past few days. I feel as though I'm back in my "old rut." Or at least partially. I will say that I have still been doing a decent job of being productive in the mornings, getting my daily chores done, usually within the time constraints I've planned. But I've been so impatient with my children and really haven't been giving God as much time as I know I need to to be able to function the way I want. And I've spent too much time online. I've struggled the past few months with anger. It was getting better, with His help and grace. But I've had a few relapses, especially at nap time the past couple of days. I don't think it's my kids that I'm really so angry with; in fact, I know it's not my kids. I'm pretty sure I'm harboring some unresolved annoyance/anger at some other people in my life. It's not even over anything big; just little things that I'm stubbornly holding onto instead of offering up. But I'm kind of a stew-er. I stew and stew and stew...and then I boil over, all at once. And sadly, my kids or my husband usually receive the brunt of the mess. I really hate that I do this, and I've been working on it. But the past few days, it has snuck up on me, or rather, I haven't been watching for it. I've been lazy about offering things up, and instead, I've complained and criticized and complained some more, allowing that annoyance to turn into anger. And it's been stewing. So, I'm done. That's it: no more complaining, no more stewing, and definitely, no more boiling over and blowing up at my sweet children and husband! Sweet Jesus, please help me!
I cooked a scrumptious meal last week, if I may say so. It's called chicken scaloppine. I had it at the Macaroni Grill a couple months back, and this version, which claims to be one in the same (see link), was magnificent! Although, I'm not sure that the pound of butter in the sauce is completely necessary. Delicious, yes; necessary, probably not.
The resident toddler has been in rare form lately, cracking us up left and right. Yesterday I asked her where my big girl had gone; she's been acting like a baby a lot as of late. Not just pretending to be a baby, but whining more than usual, acting like she doesn't know how to do things that she is fully capable of doing and often enjoys doing. I figure this is just a stage, but it has been a little frustrating. Anyway, when I asked her where my big girl was, she told me, as serious as could be, that she was at school. And when I asked her how long she would be there, she told me, "A year." And then the other night, while praying our nightly decade of the Rosary, Daddy was explaining about the Resurrection. He said something like, "Jesus is so strong, even stronger than death," and she piped up with, "Strong like Daddy?!?!" It was so stinkin' cute! She also told me last night, when asked what she wanted to dream about, that she wanted to dream about Jesus. So sweet! Where she comes up with this stuff, I'm not sure if I'll ever know. She is such a blessing! All I have to do is think about how smart and amazing she is, and I'm just blown away! (This really comes in handy when she's having a "two year old moment" and I'm having a "crazy mama moment"; it helps to diffuse the moment. I just need to work on remembering things like this in the midst of said moments...)
The sweet boy child is growing up too fast! He cut two teeth through in two days; all things considered, he did pretty well. This makes teeth number 3 and 4. He seems to be sleeping a little better already; thank you Jesus! Oddly enough, the first night he's sleeping well in a while, here I am, still up. Oh well, that's usually how it goes. I'm sure that just as I'm ready to crawl into bed, he'll wake up. But that's ok because I really do love snuggling with him in bed, nursing him to sleep. He is such a sweetie. He gives the best little hugs. He puts his whole body into squeezing me around the neck! And he's been giving nice, slobbery, open-mouthed kisses. My kids are so awesome! I really love being a mom. Even after a day when I've let the mommy monster out, or maybe I should say especially after a day when I've let the mommy monster out, I'm so thankful to God for the gifts of my babies. What an incredible blessing! He has given me two of the best kids (I'm biased of course); I pray each day for the grace to be a good mama to them. And it breaks my heart when I fail them. But, thanks be to God, He is so merciful!
Alright, I can feel myself really starting to ramble. So I think it's time to wrap things up for tonight. The storm seems to have passed, for now at least, so I think I'll try to get some sleep. My prayers go out to all of those affected by the storms the last few days. May God have mercy on the souls of the dead, and may their families find comfort and peace in the arms of the Almighty. Amen.
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